Postpartum Depression

I'm bringing up a topic that most mothers are afraid of. Either by getting it or having it. If you never had it you cannot judge what you do not know. If you do/did have it; you are not alone. Never be ashamed of what you feel, it's what makes you, you.

Postpartum can happen to ANY MOTHER. It doesn't matter if the labor and delivery was easy. Let's face it. It's never "easy" it's just harder on some then others. Experiences of labor and delivery are all different.

Postpartum can also vary on just how bad the case of depression is. Some mothers do not want to see their babies. They wish it never happened. They also did not ask for postpartum and just because you don't understand how a woman could shame their own child, does once again not leave room for judgement. They were put in that situation by God and they get through with help! Some cases are more minor, but still just as important. Some mothers just simply cry non stop. They can't control the emotions. They want to be a good mother, but feel like they are failing because they are suffering from postpartum depression and feel guilty about not being a good enough mother. There are many different cases of postpartum, but the only one I can truly understand; is my own!

My pregnancy was very hard on me and my labor and delivery even harder. It felt as if I never got a break for almost a year in life. After 3 days of labor, 60 hours and 30 hours of active, hard labor I went for an emergency c-section where my daughter came out not breathing. I saw her for a max a minute long, but by then I was too drugged up I couldn't even make out her face. She was taken away from me and sent to NICU. I longed for her. And as we spent our week in the hospital recovering I became very emotional. I thought it was for sure because I did not have my baby with me. I started crying or wanting to cry all day and night. I thought when we went home it would fix it, but it didn't. I was so so emotionally & physically drained I tried to keep up too much and do too much when my body was trying to recover. I pushed myself too far and lost my milk 2 weeks later. I always wanted to breastfeed, but nothing seemed to be going the way I planned. I didn't get a break for months and then they hand me a baby and expect you to be super "mom" and that's exactly what I tried to do. And I thought I kept failing because it was so hard. I felt like Emree stripped my freedom from me. I could no longer have a life to live. I was terrified that Emree's daddy would fall in love with her and forget all about me! He reassured me that would never happen. I became so insecure about everything in life and in myself. No one told me it was going to be like this. I didn't like it. I didn't want it.

I remember I was holding Emree about 2 weeks after she made her debut and I started crying. My mom and Shane asked what was wrong. I replied by saying "it's going to sound horrible!" They assured me nothing I said would be horrible of any sense. So, I took a deep breath and said "I love her! I finally feel like she is mine! I finally know what it feels like to unconditionally love your baby!" They were so happy I was getting better and that my body was healing from the trauma of labor.

I never got a connection with Emree instantly. I cried because I never knew what it was like to push her out and them lay her on my chest and I would look at her and fall in love. Shane and I never got the moment to enjoy the miracle we made together.

I'm not ashamed that postpartum got me. And you shouldn't be either. It's like any other disease out there. Something you cannot control. Don't downgrade or put down woman who are suffering from this awful disease. Help them conquer it by letting them know it can happen to any one and any time! As woman we need to be kinder to other woman. We need to help lift each other up, no matter what the situation is.

Join me in celebrating the strength all mothers have just by being a mother!

Married at Heart!

Shane and I are not your ordinary couple. We have known each other since we were both 6 years old. We grew up as best friends, playing sports together, mostly hockey as my dad was our coach and eventually went on to just coach Shane as I followed my dream as a future college basketball player.  As we grew Shane never left my side. Shane protected me like a brother, but never treated me as if I were beneath him. Growing up everyone told us to date, but we both thought it was weird cause we thought of each other more as best friends/brother and sister. One day though it smacked us both in the middle of the face without a sign. I was no doubt madly in love and always had been. I mean what more could you want? Shane and I officially started dating at age 15 and have only grown stronger though our almost 8 year relationship. Especially, being together so young and going through every life event..good or bad. It definitely wasn't always easy, but loving him was. Shane and I have wanted a child since we basically got together, but knew we shouldn't rush it and wanted to be able to give our child everything. 

In 2014 we knew we were finally really ready for either marriage or a child that would happen in 2015. A child has always been our dream since a young teenage age!(I remember telling my mom when I was maybe 18 that Shane and I will probably have a kid before we were married because we wanted one that bad.) 

There were obstacles for a child seeing how some things from the past and the present seemed to be in our way. We went to a specialist and even she could not provide us with a clear yes for conceiving a baby! 

We decided as a couple we would start trying for our child December 2013 and if we did not get pregnant by the summer then we would get engaged and get married the summer of 2015 and try for a baby again then. 

We did stop for a couple months inbetween due to health issues on my part. Once we were in the clear and got the ok. We started trying again in April 2014.

In May 2014 we got pregnant and couldn't have been happier; although it was ironic that Shane was on his way to buy an engagement ring on Monday. We had just got home from a weekend trip for a family wedding and found out Sunday night we were pregnant. Shane and I talked and decided a baby was enough and that we could use the "ring" money and put it towards our child. Emree was 100% planned and a mutual decision. 

Once Emree came that's all there was to look at in our life! Emree became our priority. Not a ring, not a wedding. Shane became a perfect daddy and focused on working hard, earning money and supporting his family. 

 

I don't need a legal paper that states Shane is my husband.  Shane already is my husband.!

Does this mean we aren't thinking about a wedding now? That's for us to know and you to find out.