I'm bringing up a topic that most mothers are afraid of. Either by getting it or having it. If you never had it you cannot judge what you do not know. If you do/did have it; you are not alone. Never be ashamed of what you feel, it's what makes you, you.
Postpartum can happen to ANY MOTHER. It doesn't matter if the labor and delivery was easy. Let's face it. It's never "easy" it's just harder on some then others. Experiences of labor and delivery are all different.
Postpartum can also vary on just how bad the case of depression is. Some mothers do not want to see their babies. They wish it never happened. They also did not ask for postpartum and just because you don't understand how a woman could shame their own child, does once again not leave room for judgement. They were put in that situation by God and they get through with help! Some cases are more minor, but still just as important. Some mothers just simply cry non stop. They can't control the emotions. They want to be a good mother, but feel like they are failing because they are suffering from postpartum depression and feel guilty about not being a good enough mother. There are many different cases of postpartum, but the only one I can truly understand; is my own!
My pregnancy was very hard on me and my labor and delivery even harder. It felt as if I never got a break for almost a year in life. After 3 days of labor, 60 hours and 30 hours of active, hard labor I went for an emergency c-section where my daughter came out not breathing. I saw her for a max a minute long, but by then I was too drugged up I couldn't even make out her face. She was taken away from me and sent to NICU. I longed for her. And as we spent our week in the hospital recovering I became very emotional. I thought it was for sure because I did not have my baby with me. I started crying or wanting to cry all day and night. I thought when we went home it would fix it, but it didn't. I was so so emotionally & physically drained I tried to keep up too much and do too much when my body was trying to recover. I pushed myself too far and lost my milk 2 weeks later. I always wanted to breastfeed, but nothing seemed to be going the way I planned. I didn't get a break for months and then they hand me a baby and expect you to be super "mom" and that's exactly what I tried to do. And I thought I kept failing because it was so hard. I felt like Emree stripped my freedom from me. I could no longer have a life to live. I was terrified that Emree's daddy would fall in love with her and forget all about me! He reassured me that would never happen. I became so insecure about everything in life and in myself. No one told me it was going to be like this. I didn't like it. I didn't want it.
I remember I was holding Emree about 2 weeks after she made her debut and I started crying. My mom and Shane asked what was wrong. I replied by saying "it's going to sound horrible!" They assured me nothing I said would be horrible of any sense. So, I took a deep breath and said "I love her! I finally feel like she is mine! I finally know what it feels like to unconditionally love your baby!" They were so happy I was getting better and that my body was healing from the trauma of labor.
I never got a connection with Emree instantly. I cried because I never knew what it was like to push her out and them lay her on my chest and I would look at her and fall in love. Shane and I never got the moment to enjoy the miracle we made together.
I'm not ashamed that postpartum got me. And you shouldn't be either. It's like any other disease out there. Something you cannot control. Don't downgrade or put down woman who are suffering from this awful disease. Help them conquer it by letting them know it can happen to any one and any time! As woman we need to be kinder to other woman. We need to help lift each other up, no matter what the situation is.
Join me in celebrating the strength all mothers have just by being a mother!
